One year ago & a new photo of us

I came across this photo of us from last winter... I don't have any photos from the day I met her (I was too stunned to pick up my camera)...

A year ago today, I met the soul and started the journey that would forever change my life in the most miraculous ways... I will never forget the complete shock and sadness I felt when I first saw her. And I felt so scared... I was just so scared.

It must have been some special kind of faith deep down inside of me that helped me make this decision - despite my fears and doubts. My has that faith grown... and grown... and it continues to grow. And I think my heart has grown too. I experienced the most incredible love and witnessed the kind of hope and strength I only wish I had myself. I learned so much from her... yes, I learned SO much from her... much about life, much about faith, and much about love. I have so much more to learn, and the miracle is that she is still teaching me.

And though our time on earth together was short, our journey together lives on. She is with me. She is in me. She watches over me... Yes, I miss her, but I'm happy that our story has inspired others in so many positive ways; and I am comforted by the stories others are still sharing with me... .. stories of faith renewed, horses rescued, donations made, poems written, and long lost dreams fulfilled... and all in the name of my amazing, beautiful, divine horse named Willow.

 I do believe she was God's gift to me, and I am so so grateful...

Misty & Romeo

So often in the morning lately, I'm awoken early by the sun rays streaming into my room... and I get this feeling - a sort of nudge to run out to the barn. And when I do, something magical usually seems to happen.

On this particular morning, our new barn kitten Romeo seemed particularly interested in Misty, and at one point I thought they were going to touch noses or maybe even kiss, so I started snapping with my iphone...

Of course I didn't notice anything until I reviewed the photos... the two below are in sequence. In the first, Misty and Romeo seem to be seeing or sensing something, and then in the 2nd photo, there was that small green light (some call it an orb) that so often appears (especially near Willow's stall). ♥

Princie Pie & Charlie

Most of my mares don't care to wear flowers, but Princie Pie's always up for it. Such sweet boys... ♥

Sweet Mirabella

Mirabella is doing so well. She's very sweet, easy... just lovely in every way. She is a gift, and I'm so grateful. ♥ I can't help but compare these photos of Mirabella (top) and Willow (bottom)... I still can't believe they are cousins.

Misty Blue

So powerful, yet so vulnerable. Neglected and abused, but still trusting. Her spirit was never broken. I love Misty so much. ♥

Rain and Violet

Rain and Violet... they are both so gentle and kind... both gifts from Willow.  ♥  From Mississippi and Florida, I found them while not even looking for horses.  And I bought them both site unseen, because I knew in my heart that they were perfect for me. And since Willow died, I trust my heart. They are the two horses I ride now, exclusively...  They take care of me, and I feel safe with them.  Yes, I trust my heart because I feel that Willow is somehow guiding me.  But when I really think about it, I still don't feel worthy of all that God has blessed me with, especially Willow's undying love and guidance...

Thank you God.

Rain

She arrived in the long fancy horse trailer driven by her owner's grandparents. I couldn't help but think of how different this was compared to Misty's when she drove up in the rickety old hillbilly cattle trailer. I could see through the window that she indeed looked a lot like Violet, but was surprised when she backed off the trailer that she was a bit taller than both Misty and Violet.. My guess was 15.2 hands. Her coat was shiny, black and perfect... her tail was properly braided up, and her mane was evenly cut and very short so it could be neatly plaited for shows. Before I took her lead rope, I looked into her eyes. They were big and round and brown. And deep. I got that feeling in the bottom of my stomach... butterflies. As I slowly lowered my face to exchange breaths with her, I whispered "Hello sweet girl... welcome home". And I kissed her soft nose. As we all talked, I led her over to the front lawn so she could eat some grass. What a treat for her, as the man explained... she never got to eat grass... Only grain and hay in her stall. He told us that she was always kept in her stall, unless she was working or showing. Like many show horses, they wanted her to avoid any injuries or cuts/scrapes... and they wanted her coat to be shiny and black and perfect for shows. Boy, was her life about to change.

 I already knew I was keeping her. But I indulged the man who was insisting that we tack her up and take her for a ride. Normally, my fear would set in... horse I don't know, just coming off 3 1/2 hour trailer ride, new place, no other horses, yummy grass she'd rather eat, new rider, new tack, etc. etc. But I rode her...right there on our front lawn. And he was right- she was perfect. I hopped up on the big western saddle and even attempted to neck rein her. She was so slow and smooth and easy. Her trot was amazing... a dream really. And Michael rode her too. The man told Michael "lope her off" (that saying still cracks me up), and I could see Michael trying not to let me see him smile as he cantered her all around the front of our property.  I could tell he liked her.

After they left, we walked our new sweet girl back to the mares' pastures. I had taken Paloma, Misty, Violet and Mirabella to the back pasture and closed off half the barn. We needed to keep them away from our new mare until they had gotten to know each other a bit from over the fence. I made sure that she had fresh water and hay, loved on her for a bit, and then walked back to the house. I turned around and looked back at her grazing in the warm sun and thought of how ironic it was that her registered name was Sunshine... as she was never allowed to be outside in the sun. I wondered how it must have felt for her to feel the sun on her back as she grazed on the sweet grass. I still had butterflies... and as I walked, it started to rain. It was so sunny, and the rain took me by surprise. It was a beautiful rain, and it felt so good- I had to smile trying to remember the last time I walked in the rain without an umbrella. I couldn't see her any more, but I wondered what my sweet new mare thought of the cool raindrops landing on her warm back.

And then I thought of something I once wrote in a poem long ago: "Sometimes the sun shines through the rain". (How fitting for my life since Willow died...)

Rain.  Yes, I will call her Rain.  It's absolutely perfect... just like her. ♥

Lucy Strikes Again...

The other day, I took a shortcut out to the farm last week and saw a sign alongside the country road that said, "Found 2 kittens. Please claim before they have to go to the shelter." Well, I couldn't help myself and called. The man explained that he'd been biking on that road when he saw the kittens nearly get hit by a car. They kept crossing the road, and he knew that if he didn't rescue them, they'd be killed. So he hid his bike behind some bushes and scooped them up- one under each arm- and started walking. He was several miles from home when a woman stopped and asked if he needed help. She kindly gave him and the kittens a ride home. I told the man that I'd help him try to find their owners, and if they weren't claimed I would either find them a home or take them myself and to call me in a few days.

Well, while I was on Craigslist trying to see if anyone had posted about lost kittens, my fingers suddenly gained a mind of their own and slowly typed H O R S E in the search bar. I tried to stop myself, but couldn't... And that's how I found a sweet Western Pleasure show mare in Mississippi (advertising in Nashville). I've never ever clicked on a Western Pleasure horse ad, as I ride English and know nothing about Western Pleasure. Yet something compelled me to do it. And to watch her video. And to call the number. And then... yes... to buy her and set up her delivery for Sunday morning. Now how am I gonna "splain" this to Michael... I wondered. But I'd been through all that before - several times. And my sweet husband always comes around. Well, eventually...♥ 

Mirabella & Violet

I think Violet still thinks Mirabella is her baby... she still shares her food. ♥

All 7 horses (video)

I love our herd (and that's including my angel, Willow) ♥

Three months with Misty

Misty... She is so beautiful... always has been to me though. And here's what just three months of love and nurture can mean to a horse...♥

Misty in the mist...

I love Misty. I love that she stops eating grass when she sees me coming... and how she saunters over and then stands very close to me.  I love how still and quiet she is when she's with me... and how she listens.  And I love that she smells like Willow. ♥ (notice the heart shape opening in the trees...)

Nibbles the Pony

We weren't really looking for another horse, but I woke up yesterday morning with the feeling I should take a look online...  and I found the cutest pony.  Described as super sweet, I thought he might just be perfect for the kids...    There were several people interested in him, and I was impressed that the owners wanted to show him to everyone before deciding who would be the right home.  We had so much fun at their farm... especially with the darling bottle-fed baby cows they had!

 And here is Sophie riding our new pony (Sasha named him Nibbles!) :)

And little Sasha riding Nibbles too... ♥

The reason I hold on...

The reason I hold on 

'cause I need this hole gone...

 Funny you're the broken one 

 but I'm the only one who needed saving... 

                                                                                          (Rihanna)

I think this was the last photo of us together. I was a mess... crying so hard in the comfort of her mane. I am trying so hard to learn from my sweet Willow... though she was a horse, she rose above all of the awful things in her life and held her head so high. She was such a good example for me, and I've been trying harder to live like she did.

And though I still have so much more to learn from her, I am so so thankful to God for showing me the light through my wonderful Willow. Truly... I've experienced a miracle. And she has saved me...

But I still miss her... ♥

Misty (video)

Princie Pie (video)

Misty Update

Misty Update: The vet came and checked Misty yesterday... and I am relieved to report that she is not pregnant. He says either she is having a false pregnancy or that she recently had a foal (which makes me sad, because where is it?)... It's also possible that she miscarried... I'm looking at the bright side though... Misty has a lot of healing to do, and now we can focus on that. Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments- I really appreciate them. My first instinct was to Photoshop the wounds on Misty's face here, but I'm proud that I didn't. While I adore this moody image of her and her big sweet round eyes, it was more important to me to capture the reality of her neglect and vulnerability than it was for me to make the photo look prettier. It is amazing to me that, just like Willow, she can accept love and trust despite abuse and neglect... I love her.

I can't believe this....

Tuesday night I had the most vivid dream.  I dreamt that I was over in the mares' pasture and was noticing that Misty had gotten very fat.  Martha arrived, and as I was walking her over, I said, "You won't believe how fat Misty has gotten!"  Martha took one look at her, then at me... and then she ran to her car and brought back a stethoscope.  She put the monitor up to Misty's belly, looked at me and said, "Shana... Misty's pregnant!!"

I didn't really think anything of the dream, but I mentioned it to Amy when she came to train Misty yesterday.  Amy looked at me funny and then looked down at Misty's teats.  And without a word, she reached down and squeezed...  And fluid came squirting out!!!  I almost fainted...   Oh my gosh... "Amy, omg... is Misty really pregnant?"

Misty isn't huge... she doesn't really look pregnant to me.  But my vet said he'd have to come examine her to be able to tell for sure.  Everyone says you can't always tell.  And especially since she was real skinny not too long ago...

Martha came to see Misty today... and she noticed that Misty's teats had grown in size.  She expressed some of the liquid as well.  She said it was clearish, yellowish and sticky.  She said it was Colostrum.  Dr. Kimmons said if it is Colostrum, then she is pregnant, and the foal will come soon.

Tonight I called Isaac, the kid I got Misty from.  I asked him if he though it was possible that she was pregnant.  He replied, "I have no idea, Ma'am."    Then he reminded me that he'd had her less than a month and said, "Well, I suppose she coulda been out in a field with a jack stud or somethin' before I got her... hahahah..."    Yeah, that wasn't funny.

So I grabbed the one piece of paperwork I have on Misty and called Daniel Smith's number.

Me:  "Hi Daniel... it's Shana, the one who had your Cheyenne.  Do you think there is any way she could be pregnant?"

Daniel:  "Well, ma'am.... I wouldn't be surprised.   Yeah, we were kinda wonderin' the same thing.  You know it takes a year or so... and we didn't have her for all that long."

Me:  "Oh my gosh... well why wouldn't you be surprised???"

Daniel:  "Well the other mare we got from there was thinner than Cheyenne was.  And she spit out a colt one day... surprised us all.  The colt died... I guess 'cause she was so malnourished...   Hey if she has a colt, let me know, will ya?"

Me:  "What? So she didn't look pregnant and you didn't know she was, and then she just had a baby?"

Daniel:  "Yep, she just spit out a colt one day right there in the field."

So I texted back and forth with Dr. Kimmons, Martha, Amy and my friend Erin for a while...  then upon everyone's advice, we opened the stalls to make a large double birthing stall... we put in fresh water and food and lots of clean straw on the ground.  We put the other mares on the other side of the fence and let Misty have extra hay and a bowl of the mother/foal feed we had left over from Mirabella.

Everyone is on call... and I am so nervous.  How can this be happening?  I feel excited, sad, nervous, anxious, and scared all at the same time...

And I don't know nothin' bout birthin' baby horses!! lol! ♥

Misty's History - 6 owners in 6 months

Two days after Misty arrived, I received her Coggins report in the mail.  I was glad the kid followed through and mailed it to me...  The report was dated 5-8-13 and listed Daniel S. as her owner.  It said her name was Cheyenne and listed her age as 17.   If there was ever any doubt, now I was totally sure...  Isaac (the kid I bought her from) was a horse broker.  He'd had her less than a month... and told me she was 15 and that her name was Misty.   Wow, maybe this wasn't even her report?  Determined to find out more, I called Daniel S....

Daniel answered the phone and seemed happy to answer my questions about Misty.  Of course my first question was, "So when did you sell the horse to Isaac?"  His answer.... "Who's Isaac?"

My heart sank.  Then Daniel went on to explain that he sold her to some sort of sales barn or auction house.  And he sold her for just a couple hundred dollars...   When I told him about Isaac and how much I paid for her, Daniel said he felt bad that I got so ripped off.   I told him I had no regrets, but was just sad about her poor condition and her history of obvious neglect.  And I told him that I loved her.

So I asked Daniel to tell me everything... I had so many questions.  Why did he sell her?  Where did he get her? Who named her Cheyenne?  Was he sure of her age?  What was her training and experience?  Medical history? How did her face get like that?  Her mane, tail, the scars, etc.?

I took notes as Daniel told me all he knew....      He told me that he named her Cheyenne and wasn't sure of her age or medical history.  He sold her because she was too fast and rough... riding her was hard on his back.  When describing her, he used the word "spirited".  He also said that she had a hard time getting along with other horses... that she was always the dominant one and would fight other horses off.  He said that was probably why they kept her all alone in a small pen at the sales barn.  By the way she looks, I wondered what else they had done to her at that sales barn...

As for Misty's history...   I was shocked to learn that Daniel had only owned her for  4 months before selling her to the sales barn who sold her to Isaac.  The guy he bought her from didn't know her name or her age and had "rescued" her from some other sales house (although I thought he said slaughter house...  and looking back, maybe he did) just a month earlier...   at that point, Misty was very very thin and in bad shape.  He also mentioned something about her and another horses being sold as a pair for $400... both underweight, etc. 

Though I was taking notes, I couldn't believe what I was writing and confirmed it with Daniel.

-  6 months ago,  Misty was starving & thin and owned by some sales barn / auction house (owner 1)
-  Some guy bought her and another thin horse as a pair and kept her for a month (owner #2)
-  Daniel S. then purchased her and kept her for 4 months (owner #3)
-  Daniel sold her to another sales barn / auction house where she stayed  for two weeks (owner #4)
-  Isaac bought her, kept her for a couple weeks and then listed her on Craigslist (owner #5)
-  And of course just this week, I bought her from Isaac (Lucky owner #6 who will keep her forever)

Amazing how many times one horse can change hands in a matter of months...  And I thought of  the story of "Black Beauty"...

Martha and Dr. Kimmons think Misty is 12.  Isaac said 15...  no one really knows I guess....   but if she could have 6 owners in 6 months... how many times did she change hands before that?   We all agree that she has surely been "cowboyed" pretty harshly in the past....  and I know that Isaac did a little barrel racing with her.  But I still wondered how she got her scars and why her face looked so battered....  why she was missing half her mane and if her tail had ever been brushed.  So I asked Daniel about her condition and obvious neglect.

Daniel seemed shocked and told me that he had taken good care of her...  he declared that he was never going to use that "sales barn" again.  I texted him a couple photos of Misty....  and this was his reply:

"I can't believe her face and tail.  My wife didn't like her back then but she even feels sorry for her now."

And that made me cry.  And I wondered.... is this the first time in her life that Misty is being loved?

Riding Violet

She's such a good girl... she takes good care of me. ♥

Misty Blue

Oh, It's been such a long long time
Looks like I'd get you off of my mind 
But I can't, just the thought of you 
Turns my whole world misty blue...
                                        -Bob Montgomery 

Misty Blue is one of my favorite old songs.. and it's always reminded me of Willow and my love for her...   

And when I was a little girl, my Grandpa had a horse named Windy Blue...   I think of my Grandpa every day, especially now that I have horses.  I know he would have been so excited and proud that I'm somewhat of a country girl now and especially that I love horses just as he did.

I have so many wonderful memories of our summers at Grandpa's ranch.  He was an amazing man...  I miss him so much.  Sometimes I wish I could call him to ask him for his advice, and now that I have horses of my own, I wish I knew more about how he took care of his horses... his theories, his methods, etc.

Mostly though, I just wish I could call him to tell him about Willow, what I've learned from her, and all of the miracles she's sent to me.

And I wonder if he and Willow are up in Heaven together...

That's me on the left riding my favorite horse, Dan.  My Grandpa with the sweet baby... and my Dad and little brother riding Windy Blue.

So in honor of my Grandpa and my love for Willow, my new mare's name will be Misty Blue...

Misty (part 2)

I think the kid was shocked at how easily he had just sold this horse.  I could tell he was thinking, "What does this girl want with a horse like this?"  And he probably wouldn't understand that I just wanted to love her...

He didn't bring any paperwork with him.. not even the coggins report which he promised me he had.  I typed up a quick bill of sale and handed him a copy along with a self addressed, stamped envelope so he could easily send me the coggins report.  Everyone said I'd never receive it, but I chose to believe that I would.

Martha showed up shortly after he left.  I think she was a bit shocked at Misty's condition.  Her tail looked like it had never been brushed and was like one big dreadlock.  Half her mane was missing, and she had open cuts and scrapes on her face where she probably was reaching under a fence to get to some grass.  She also had scars on the sides of her mouth from the bit that someone had obviously used a heavy hand with. She was dirty and cut up, and her feet were in dire need of a trim. But what I noticed the most was her big, round, amber eyes. She had kind eyes and long eyelashes... And something about her reminded me of Willow.  Martha and I wondered what else we might find and just what this poor horse had been through.  We knew for sure that she'd been through a lot and that it might take a long while before she would really trust us.  She lowered her head and was so sweet as she drank water and ate some hay.  And after giving her the once over, Martha said to me, "Shana, I know you have been helping that other rescue horse.. but I've met her; and this horse needs you way more."

Martha could see how much I already loved Misty... "I need her too," I said as I leaned in for my first hug from Misty.... "She's my white Willow."

Misty

The other day I decided I should check in on the girl with the bay mare that needed help.  To my knowledge, her feet hadn't yet been trimmed.  I had offered to pay for the farrier but hadn't heard from the girl in days.  I couldn't find her phone number, so I went on Craigslist to find the ad so I could call her.  I used my regular search terms but couldn't find the ad.  Knowing that she changes the ad often, I decided just to type in "Quarter Horse Mare".   Well, I didn't find the ad... but what I did find intrigued me for some reason.  The very top ad was for a grey mare:

Hi, I am selling my 15 yr old QH trail mare. "Misty" is approx 15.1 hh, built nicely with correct conformation. She is very sweet and love attention, being petted, groomed, etc. Stands well for farrier, baths, saddling, grooming, etc. Loads and trailers great, no problems. Misty is currently without shoes and does fine barefoot, not tender footed or stumbly. She has a nice walk, trot and lope. You can neck rein or direct rein her. She has a soft mouth, very easy to control and handle. Also has a great stop and reverse. No problems crossing water, ditches, bridges, puddles, logs and anything else you might find on the trail. Misty rides good in a group or alone.  Serious inquires only.

And she was beautiful.   There was something about her.... Something that called to me.

I emailed the ad to Martha and texted her:

Me:  If I email you, will you check it right away?  You might think I'm nuts... and you have to keep this on the down low for now... don't tell Michael yet. :)

Martha: Uh oh... sounds serious.

Me:  Keep an open mind.  You know my feelings... and Willow....

Martha must have checked my email right away...

Martha:  I think I might cry!  If you don't get her, I think I should!!!  What a GREAT horse!!! Takes me straight to my childhood...

Me:  Omg will you go see her tomorrow for me?  Guy has lots of calls on her... Omg... I KNEW it!

Martha:  Don't think I need to look at her.

Me:  Why not?  My feelings? Your feeling?  Or you just trust mine?

Martha:  She is perfect.  I love her.

And that was enough for me. I called the guy and offered him full price + $100 to bring her to me in the morning.  I already knew before I told Martha that this horse was meant to be with me.  What I didn't expect was for Martha to be so gung ho.  I pretty much broke ALL her rules on buying a horse:  Don't buy a horse off Craigslist.  Don't buy a horse you haven't ridden.  Don't buy a horse unless you've seen it twice. Don't buy a horse without a vet check, etc. etc.   Her reaction was amazing to me... still is.  But I know that Willow had something to do with that.... 

And when Michael walked in the room a few minutes later, he recognized my "Guilty Lucy" smile right away.... "Lucyyyyyy.???  What have you done???"   I explained it to him and rationalized that this way, we could take two mares out on the trail, and one could stay back to watch over Mirabella.  It really was a good plan, if I don't way so myself.  And I guess Michael must be getting used to my craziness...  because he merely answered,  "Okay... but this is the LAST one."  :)

I woke up in the morning so excited to meet Misty, and I texted Martha.

Me:  Oooohhh you are  in SO much trouble with Michael.  You are officially now my ETHEL!  She'll be here tomorrow at 11am.

Martha:  Does Michael know about this?

Me:  yes lol.  He says I, noooo WE are nuts.

Martha:  Yeah, I'm starting to feel a little nuts!

The guy showed up with Misty at 11am sharp.  He pulled up hauling a very old rustic black horse trailer, and he was much younger than he sounded on the phone.  As he walked back to open the trailer, I asked him how old he was and how long he'd been riding.  He answered in a very thick southern accent, "Nineteen Ma'am.  And I  been ridin' since I was knee high to a grasshopper." 

And this was my first look at my new girl...

She was super cute... but she didn't look anything like the photos I saw.  Her mane was half gone, her tail was mangled, she had scars and cuts all over her, and her face was full of grey patches where her fur had worn off... we think probably from her halter being left on 24/7. And her feet had also been neglected and desperately needed a trim. I knew now for sure that Willow had led her to me...   It was clear that she had had a rough life... and from talking to this kid, I surmised that he really knew nothing about her.  He mentioned that she'd probably been ridden hard by a cowboy or two at some point. When I asked how long he'd had her, he wouldn't answer but just said, "Non that long, Ma'am."  And it became clear to me that he was a horse broker.  Rule # 5 broken: Don't buy a horse from a horse broker.

The boy threw Misty's lead rope around her head and hopped on her bareback, "Want me to lope her off?" he asked. I had never heard that expression before.  "No, I said... that's okay... you can just trot her around a little... then I'd like to ride her." Her walk was fast... more like a march... and I noticed that she seemed tense as he rode her.  It was blazing hot, but I walked and trotted her around a bit my front yard. "I love her," I said...

And I did-  I loved her instantly, and when no one was watching, I whispered in her ear,  "You're home now, and here you will be a princess." 

Good Morning Girls

Violet is the first one to come greet me in the morning. And mornings are glorious when you have horses... ♥ Of course the morning sun always reminds me of Willow.