Rain's Accident

Yesterday was one of the scariest days of my life...

Martha came to work with Rain and Violet.  It was sunny and warm, and I was so excited to ride Rain.  When I got out to the barn, Martha had Rain in cross ties and was grooming her.  Everything was fine as always, but while we were tacking her up, something went terribly wrong.  We have no idea why, but all of a sudden Rain started pawing at the ground. I was standing right next to Rain, and Martha was behind me. Martha knew what was coming and pushed me back out of the way, "Shana stay back!"  It all happened so fast, but I remember Martha calmly whispering Rain's name as if pleading for her to calm down. But it was too late... Rain backed up, pulling so hard; and then she reared up violently yanking both cross tie bolts out of the walls.  I saw her go up, and the cross ties go flying.. almost in slow motion.  And I keep replaying it all in my mind.  When the bolts finally came loose, rain catapulted backward and flipped completely over taking out everything in her path. She landed in the worst way... falling against the sliding barn door and landing on a chair smashing it to pieces underneath her. It was so awful to watch and even worse to see her lying there.. the sliding door pressing into her stomach, and her two front legs against the outside of the barn and back legs inside.  All four legs too close to the walls- she was stuck... and she was still. Too still. It was just under a minute probably but felt like an eternity with her down like that on top of debris, just still.  My hands over my mouth, tears rolling down my face.. I was in shock I think.  I didn't know it at that moment, but Martha was sure that Rain had broken her neck.  What I did know was that Martha was scared.  She tried to be calm and strong for me, but I'm very connected with Martha and could feel exactly what she was feeling... she was scared to death.  And so was I.  Still, Martha remained calm on the outside and walked slowly over to Rain and scratched her lightly on her neck... "Rain, it's okay girl... get up. Get up, Rain..."   And then after some pushing and kicking against the barn walls, Rain thrashed and struggled her way up.  Before she could take off, Martha took her rope and started to assess the damage.  She was pretty banged up... cuts, scrapes, patches of missing fur, and puncture wounds in her mouth.  And not surprisingly, she was lame and limping.  Mostly though her neck and head are so sore.  Dr. Kimmons said to give her two grams of Bute and to observe her.. that she'd probably feel worse before she felt better.  And that Monday he'd come and run some tests if she didn't show signs of improving.  I love this horse so so much....  I am so worried about my Rainy Belle...  Martha is coming today at 2:30 to work on Rain... she thinks a little myofascial therapy  will help her.

I still can't believe it happened.  And only two days before the year anniversary of Willow's death. :(

My poor sweet, gentle Rain. Please God let her heal- both physically and emotionally from this...

Misty Blue & Weeping Willow

My sweet Misty girl... she's come so far. She's so soulful, and sometimes when I hug her and close my eyes it almost feels like I'm with Willow again. I know for sure that Willow led her to me... we needed each other. This image is so special to me- it's as close as I'll ever get to having both Misty and Willow in the same photo - with Willow's weeping willow tree in the background. ♥

I love Rain

Here we are together... even though we are both muddy, I love this photo because I think my smile shows how happy she makes me. She's so soft and gentle... She gives me unlimited kisses, and her whiskers tickle my cheek. And she smells like cinnamon. ♥

I'm so crazy about her. ❤ Something woke me up early and I felt the need to go out to the barn... so glad I did. Look at the sun streaming into Willow's old stall. It was 19 degrees but I felt so warm... She is always with me. (taken with iphone)

Rain & Misty in more snow

Woke up to one degree weather here in Tennnessee! Rain and Misty were bundled up and warm though... my hands were frozen, but they warmed right up under Rain's coat. And she still smells like cinnamon. ♥ Looking at the video and photo, I'm reminded that the sun was still shining, and that Willow is still with me. ♥

A Christmas Gift

It's Christmas Eve, and something very special and beautiful happened this morning... I woke up early and went out to feed the horses. It was cold, and the sun was peeking up over the hills. I put hay down for Misty right outside Willow's stall. But instead of eating it right away, Misty looked toward the sun, and then all of a sudden, it started to snow! I grabbed my cell phone from my coat pocket and started snapping. You can't really tell how much, but the snowflakes were the big fluffy kind. And as they fell from the sky, I got that old familiar feeling - almost like butterflies - that I used to get when Willow was with me. Snow always reminds me of Willow, but this morning, I knew she was with me. I think Misty knew too. I can't believe I caught this moment with my iPhone. I think the snow was Willow's gift to me... a peaceful reminder of God's love (just like she was). What a beautiful way to start my Christmas Eve... my heart is so full. I wish everyone could experience their own Christmas miracle today... ♥

Christmas Barn

Decided to decorate the white barn this year for Christmas... The last photo is of the decorations on Willow's stall door.  ♥ 

Snow

I was so excited to wake up early to a blanket of beautiful snow... I ran out with my iPhone and grabbed this shot of Misty and Rain.  Despite the snow, the sun was shining, and their coats were warm. Snow always reminds me of Willow. ♥

Misty (part 2)

I think the kid was shocked at how easily he had just sold this horse.  I could tell he was thinking, "What does this girl want with a horse like this?"  And he probably wouldn't understand that I just wanted to love her...

He didn't bring any paperwork with him.. not even the coggins report which he promised me he had.  I typed up a quick bill of sale and handed him a copy along with a self addressed, stamped envelope so he could easily send me the coggins report.  Everyone said I'd never receive it, but I chose to believe that I would.

Martha showed up shortly after he left.  I think she was a bit shocked at Misty's condition.  Her tail looked like it had never been brushed and was like one big dreadlock.  Half her mane was missing, and she had open cuts and scrapes on her face where she probably was reaching under a fence to get to some grass.  She also had scars on the sides of her mouth from the bit that someone had obviously used a heavy hand with. She was dirty and cut up, and her feet were in dire need of a trim. But what I noticed the most was her big, round, amber eyes. She had kind eyes and long eyelashes... And something about her reminded me of Willow.  Martha and I wondered what else we might find and just what this poor horse had been through.  We knew for sure that she'd been through a lot and that it might take a long while before she would really trust us.  She lowered her head and was so sweet as she drank water and ate some hay.  And after giving her the once over, Martha said to me, "Shana, I know you have been helping that other rescue horse.. but I've met her; and this horse needs you way more."

Martha could see how much I already loved Misty... "I need her too," I said as I leaned in for my first hug from Misty.... "She's my white Willow."

Violet is her name...

So I finally decided to name our new mare Violet. She has had several names through the years, and her name has been Bella for the last 3 months... But because I already have a Mirabella and a business named Florabella... I thought it was Bella overload. And Violet really suits her... It will be her name now and forever...   And the meaning is just so perfect...

From my research on the name "Violet": Violet has a variety of meanings: Love; Modesty; Virtue; Affection; Faithfulness ("I'll always be true") and a Good Luck symbol for women. People with this name have a deep inner desire for love and companionship, and want to work with others to achieve peace and harmony.

I couldn't think of a better way to describe this mare...

Violette is so so sweet, and particularly so with Mirabella.  The morning after Violet arrived, I still can't believe what happened when we went to feed them.  We did what we usually do and fed Paloma in her stall and Mirabella in hers.  We have a round pen which is open to the barn stall doors on one side. We put Violet's bowl of food there.  Mirabella and Paloma ate like usual, but Violet wouldn't eat.  Instead she put her head over Mirabella's stall door and watched her finish her food.  After a while, we let Mirabella out with Violet thinking that maybe Violet would eat then...  well not only did she eat, but she shared her food with Mirabella. They took turns eating from the same bowl...  I've never seen horses do this before.  I know Violet would never hurt Mirabella... but I didn't quite expect her to share.

I think Violet thinks Mirabella is her baby... it is so so sweet... <3

Martha came to see Violet later that day, and as I expected, she loved her.  She said I did good. :)  I know that Martha truly believes that Willow led me to her, but it makes me feel good to know that Martha thinks Violet is good for me...  and for Mirabella.  Martha and I talked about how bonded they are already.  Perhaps, Willow led me to her for Mirabella.  Afterall, how will I ever be able to take Violet out for a trail ride and with Michael and Paloma?  Violet will not want to leave Mirabella.  And I hadn't thought about this before, but we would never leave Mirabella all alone.  hmmm....    I wondered how this would all play out, but I knew for sure that Violet was meant to be with us.

"I'm a Baby!!"

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever witnessed... These are the first moments after Violet arrived. Mirabella immediately started telling her, "I'm a baby". Mirabella is a young filly (still a baby) and communicated this to Violet by clacking her mouth up and down over and over again. From what I know this means, "I'm a baby... please don't hurt me... please watch over me..." And that is exactly was Violet has been doing in the days since. She absolutely won't leave Mirabella's side...


I never tire of watching this... horses are so so amazing.

Good Morning, Sunshine!

I took this while waiting for my new mare to arrive... I felt Willow with me. And if you look you can see a few different images of horses... and of course, the sunflare that reminds me so much of the miracle Willow sent me after she died...

And here she is in her stall... notice again the beautiful sun...

She and Mirabella bonded instantly... I honestly think the thinks Mirabella is her foal. ♥

Sweetie Girl

Mirabella did so well in our first training session with her yesterday. Martha loves her too and says she's sweet AND smart. Of course, I already knew that... :)

Mirabella is sweet and smart. She is so easy to love... she is so sweet and trusting. She is gentle and kind. And she gives kisses.... She is warming my heart. ♥

New Motherhood ♥

Mirabella arrived safely and walked into the barn with her head held high. ♥  She really is quite the princess.  This was during their first few moments together. Mirabella did the cute baby thing... opening and closing her mouth over and over, saying "I'm a baby."   This photo makes me so emotional - in a joyful way... I am so happy for Paloma. She will be such a good new mommy to baby Mira... I just know it...

And what this photo represents... it's even more proof that blood isn't all that important.

"For finding your mother, there's one certain test.  You must look for the creature that loves you the best."  ~ Little Miss Spider by David Kirk

Paloma ♥

My beautiful Paloma... she was my first horse and will always be so special to me. It feels so good to have her so close again... and as we waited, I realized that Paloma will be helping to raise little Mirabella. She will be her new horse mommy! So here she is, waiting for the little princess to arrive. We have a plan to keep them close but separate and to take things very slow (and safe). Paloma is a sweet mare and pretty passive too... I think this will work out nicely. ♥ So I now need to decide... do I start keep writing here on Willow's blog? Or should I start a new blog for Princess Mirabella?

Waiting for Mirabella

I am so excited for Mirabella to arrive! I put pink hydrangea in the barn for her arrival... I feel almost like an expectant mother! And I'm super excited to have Paloma back in the pasture closest to our house. She and Mirabella will be together. And The Prince will be with Charlie. We've been wanting to separate mares and geldings for a while, so this will be good. Mirabella... Mira like miracle. I think that's what I'll call her... Mira. ♥

The Prince is Lonely

The Prince misses Willow too... He stays close to her stall, occasionally still looking inside for her. But when I come out, he tries to find ways to make me laugh... he is so goofy and a big love.  We don't want him to be alone though...  he needs a pasture mate.... it would probably be best for us to put him with Charlie.   We definitely cannot put the three of them together, as Charlie gets very dominant and possessive of Paloma.... We've been wanting to separate Charlie and Paloma for a while... but then Paloma will need a pasture mate...  In any case, he's filthy here, and still has no real name, but he's just such a cutie... you can't help but smile when he's near you. ♥

Weeping Willow - a gift from Michael

Michael disappeared for over three hours the other morning... I had no idea what he was up to, but he returned with a very beautiful gift for me...  a Weeping Willow tree.  He planted it in our backyard near the barn, and I can see Willow's stall from where he put it.  This was the sweetest gift he has ever given me... and it made me cry.

The next day, they delivered Willow's ashes to me along with a certificate and a lock of her mane. They came in a pretty box with her name engraved on it... and also inside was a little bag with the plate and screws from her broken leg surgery.... It was so hard for me to accept these things. How I wished that surgery had worked... how I wish this was all a nightmare and that Willow was still here with me...

I think I will bury her ashes under the Weeping Willow, and then we'll plant some flowers that will bloom every spring.  I can't believe it's almost spring.... it doesn't feel like spring to me...

Tea with the Queen

It has been 24 hours since Willow died.  I have cried more than I have slept... but I need to document some of what has happened...

Martha did as I asked. I am so grateful to her... This was her text to me...

"I hugged her, kissed her and scratched her under her mane.  She is free now.  Forever safe where there is no pain, no cruelty, and no suffering..."

And she sent me a photo of Willow with the 4 braids I asked her to put in her mane....  I asked her only after Willow was gone to please cut off the three braids so I could keep them to remember her by... but to leave her one to take with her... from me.  I made her promise not to cut any of her mane until she was gone... (I just kept remembering the only scene that stuck with me from "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"... when they cut the lion's mane off... that always broke my heart....)

My friend Brenna came over to watch the kids, as I was hysterical... and she comforted me until Michael got home.  He was devastated...  he said the moment he saw her x-ray up on the screen and the looks on the faces of everyone in the clinic, he knew...and it broke his heart.  I've never seen him cry like that before...

She was gone.  Willow was gone. How can this be?  No..... no..... I just couldn't stop my tears.... I still can't.  The pain is unbearable.

I have received thousands of well wishes...  poems, personal stories, drawings, and bible verses. Thank you to everyone from the bottom of my heart.... As much I as know that Willow's soul was pure, it has been so beautiful to witness the beauty of so many human souls.  In this crazy, desensitized world, beauty and love lives on...  and that comforts me.  And I received several emails and even photos from those who were inspired by our story to rescue a horse in need.  That alone makes my pain worthwhile...  It helps so much to know that even though our journey didn't end how I'd dreamed, I will always know that other horses have beautiful new beginnings...

Someone commented that Willow was "just a horse".   Well, she wasn't just a horse... she wasn't a pet... she was Velvet Willow, and she was my mine.  She was... no, she is my soulmate.  I know some people cannot understand...  but Willow was so much more than a beloved horse.  She was divine.  She was faith, she was hope, she was courage, she was beauty.  Yes, I took care of her... we all took care of her.  But she took care of me.  She was so strong, so regal, so tender and affectionate and gentle with me.  She would look at me for the longest time with those big brown, beautiful eyes... as if she was looking straight into my soul.  And I would see myself in her eyes...   she'd stand so close to me and move her head near me so slowly, so deliberately.  And when I hugged her, she hugged me back.  The feeling of her resting over my shoulder, trusting me and revealing her soul to me...  I cannot describe the beautiful feeling that would wash over me.  I loved the way her fur smelled... God, please don't ever let me forget the way she smelled.... or the warmth of her fur, or the comfort of her mane...  

I didn't take many calls that day, but I knew there were two people that I had to get ahold of.... Nancy and Leah.  I left messages for them both....

It is a miracle that I ever even found Nancy, and I'm so grateful for her support and love for both me and Willow (her Leona C.) throughout this journey. Nancy wrote to me:  Dearest Shana, I have been out of town and just returned to the heart breaking news of Willow. I would call, but I would cause you more pain by adding my pain to yours. As heart shattering as this is, I am trying to think of the positive...a wonderful horse named Willow taught me that. The Queen reigns on most high now. She is wonderfully whole again. That lofty, suspended trot is flying on angel wings. She has NO pain, she has no worried look in her eyes. Her head is held higher than ever...she is happy and free of all the pain her past life gave her. One day, I hope a very long time from now, we all will see her again. And when we see her in the greener pastures, do you know who she is going to run to? It won't be Anita, who raised her, it won't me who proudly rode her and raised Ster babies from her, and it certainly will not be the wicked people who caused her so much suffering. When we see her, it will be YOU, Shana, that she runs to. You, the loving soul that brought her back from misery, You that loved her back to cantering across the fields with her head held high. YOU, you, you......her love, her salvation. She is waiting to see you again one day. Until then, rest assured heaven knows, the Queen has ARRIVED. She is gone from your touch but NEVER your heart. I love you and I will talk, when we both are able.

I am also so grateful to Leah who took Willow and the other abandoned, starving horses in and cared for them as she found them homes.  I cried to Leah for a long while on the phone. As I cried and we remembered together all that was beautiful about Willow, Leah promised me that Willow and I were soul mates and that our souls would be together forever.  We talked about how though Willow was so stoic, some might describe her as "aloof" always holding her head up so high, that Willow would lower her head to me... she was so different with me, so affectionate- almost as if she was loving me like I was her foal.  It is true... I never regarded her as my baby... but rather, it was like she was taking care of me.  She was a good mother to the four babies I now know she had, and I think I experienced some of that nurturing love from her too.  And Leah reminded me of the day I first came to her farm to meet Willow.....  As I went to leave, she lowered her head and nuzzled my chest... right over my heart.  I'm so glad Leah reminded me of that moment.  Near the end of our conversation, I told Leah that I doubted I could ever connect with or love a horse this deeply again... that no other horses would ever be like Willow... what would I do without her?  What do I do now, I asked her...  Everything we did for her... all my hope wrapped up in her and wanting to see her whole, healthy and happy by Spring... and knowing now that I'd never be able to put those flowers in her mane....and why did I have such a short time with her... it was too short... Then Leah stopped me. "Shana, listen to me and think before you answer this question.  Shana, even though your pain is unbearable... and you only had a short time with Willow on earth, and even though it ended this way...  was it worth it?"   And without thinking, I answered, "Yes!  Yes it was...  I feel like I got to have tea with the Queen."     And indeed, I did.  I am SO so lucky....

Scary morning...

The most beautiful sight in the world to me right now is seeing Willow back on her feet....

Michael checked on Willow at midnight, and she seemed the same... up on her feet but she hadn't eaten anything.  Of course, we were worried... but nothing like how I felt to find Willow flat on the ground, eyes half open, and breathing very hard.  We were both very worried since we'd never seen her like that before...

She wouldn't get up, and she refused carrots (which really isn't like her).  I called Martha, both vets, and then tried all my friends who know a lot about horses... but it was before 7am, and no one answered... I felt so helpless and scared.  Could it be colic, laminitis, pneumonia, what?

Thankfully Martha came over quickly... and Willow got up shortly before she arrived.  We are thinking she must have been in a very deep sleep to have such labored breathing and hope that's what it was.  She lays down a lot, and for extended periods of time. But she is healing and still in pain, so she must need that right now.

Dr. Ruggles and Dr. Kimmons do not think her x-rays show founder, but Martha is still concerned this may be the start of laminitis.   Dr. Hawthorne will probably come by later to see her... maybe some accupuncture, etc.

There just isn't anything I wouldn't do for my sweet horse.  She's a fighter, a beauty, and a queen... and probably the smartest horse in the world.  As we stood with Willow, I told Martha that I think a lot about sappy horse movies... you know the kind-  the horse is dying on the barn floor, and people almost give up hope, and then all of a sudden the horse leaps up, shakes her head and everything is better? That is what I want to see happen here...  So, Martha and I prayed together with Willow, and we talked to her.  We talked about wanting her to eat and drink water (as she seemed a bit dehydrated).  And Willow looked at us.  Then she walked over to her hay and had a bite....  then she ate a bit of grain.  Then she splashed and drank some of her water... and then she even licked her mineral salt block, and she looked at us again.... as if to say, "There! And even though you forgot to mention it, I licked some salt too!"   ♥   

Willow.  She is a miracle, I just know it....

Not eating...

I love this photo of Dr. Kimmons and Willow...  ♥

He says her incision looks great and was able to take her bandage off and staples out yesterday... 

Unfortunately, Willow didn't eat again last night.  Michael built a small pen for her out on the grass so she can touch the earth and feel the sun and graze a bit.  She has grain and hay out there also. But she still isn't eating.  She will eat carrots from my hand and that's it.  I wonder if she is associating her grain (that she usually loves) with the bad taste of her medicines or something...  I think at this point I'm willing to temporarily switch her grain to the very best tasting most craved grain on the market (not sure what that is), just to get her to eat. 

Going to check on her again now...