December 28, 2012

I believe in miracles...

I am documenting this story for me and for Willow... My hope is that what I gain from journaling my thoughts will help me learn and grow and heal... and in doing that, I will be better for Willow.  I long to be less fearful, more positive, more patient, more faithful, more trusting, and more present.   I know that is best for her...  as I am understanding more and more how sensitive and connected horses really are.  I know I have a lot to learn about horses.  I admit that I am not perfect, so sometimes along the way I might get discouraged (like I was yesterday).  I know, though, to try not to internalize or share those feelings with Willow.  I talk to her in a sweet, upbeat voice... I call her "Pretty Girl" or "Beauty" and my love for her is so strong, that I know she can feel it.  And when I am feeling discouraged, I know who to turn to to life my spirits.  The emails, letters, and comments I've received have  been so encouraging and supportive... they lift me up too.  Thank you so much for every single one...

I shared my feelings with Martha, Nancy (Willow's 1st owner), and Leah (who first rescued Willow)... and I was amazed at how beautiful and similar their responses were:

From Leah:
"Hey Shana, don't fret, everything will be okay. There's a huge difference between what usually happens and what happens when there's a miracle going on. Too much of this story points to the latter. Have faith, it WILL work for the best. And that's what I believe"

From Martha:
"This is a place of hope and healing. God has put people and horses in my life for a reason, and He has opened my eyes to see what they really need.  I have rehabbed horses that even the vets had given up on.  God has brought them to me and this farm.  Miracles do happen, and I truly believe Willow is going to be well..."

From Nancy:
"I do know what you mean dear friend. But I believe in miracles. Perhaps the Lord will not see fit to make Willow whole until she joins Him in heaven. BUT, perhaps in SPITE of the choices evil people made for her and because of the love of one good person that came to save her, He will make her whole while still on earth. There is only one thing I KNOW for CERTAIN and that is an angel came to save her and to love and care for her. Shana she knows the depth of your love....she can sense it with all her queenly being. You are the love of her life, even if her life is not going to be totally well. Her life is GOOD...because of YOU! I literally would give my own life to make her well. I feel so bad I ever sold her. But, all I can do is love her from afar.... YOU are her love, her life, her very being. You are the dearest of the dear and I so wish none of this has caused you pain.I stand beside you Shana in anyway I can. Sending you love and hugs, Nancy

And there have been so many beautiful comments that have touched my heart - here are just a couple...

From Eden:
"I have been where you are. The fear of what you'll find at the barn- the insecurity of not knowing if you'll know how to fix her...I know how hard it is. Take comfort in knowing that you've already saved her- if you lose her saved her. You'll be in my prayers."

 From Michelle:
"Thank you for sharing your story of Willow. The two of you are magic and you inspire me - Willow's courage and your devotion to her. Choose each moment you have together to be filled with love. If you are blessed with minutes, days or years make the most of them. She is a gift, her life full of lessons and her love pure ... bath yourself in her love. She is a gift from God and I would trust in a plan far greater than yourself."

Thank you, thank you all so much for warming my heart and renewing my faith....  I know I can do this.  I can believe in this miracle.  Afterall, it's happening before my eyes...


  1. I would remind you that even when you try, you cannot mask your inner feelings. I guarantee that horse already knows what you are feeling even before you try to mask the fear and uncertainty. One thing I've learned over the years, especially when I was actively riding, is that horse SENSE everything. They truly are remarkable creatures, inside and out. It's so neat to read her story and even though there are certainly some tragic parts, and even if she is taken from this earth, her story (whether it ends today or 20 years from now!) had a fairy tale ending and you've given this horse her dignity back. God bless you for being real, for opening your pocket book, your heart and your soul...there will be a special place in Heaven for you someday, too. Because certainly God takes notice when we care for his creatures like the gift that they are!!! <3

    1. Thank you so so much for your beautiful thoughts and support!