January 19, 2013

Dreamer


I get so happy in the car on the way to see Willow at Martha's farm. It's a beautiful drive through the countryside, and the anticipation always gives me butterflies. ♥

As I drove up, I knew right away that Willow was struggling. I could see her standing there in her pasture... just standing in the middle of the hay pile as her pasture mates grazed. Martha was at church, so I went straight out to Willow. She had thick, green liquid seeping from her mouth and nose. She was choking.

I ran back into the barn to find something to wipe Willow's face, and I ran into Tammy who boards her horse at the farm. Horse people never cease to amaze me... they always know when you need a hug.  I was visibly shaken and upset, and Tammy could see that. She hugged me and tried to reassure me, and then she gave me a clean white towel for Willow. I noticed the towel was new as she took it out of her wooden trunk, and I felt bad knowing it would surely be soiled. But there's this thing about horse lovers... they love horses. And Tammy, along with everyone else at this wonderful place, loves Willow. And she could have cared less about her clean white towel. I love horse people.

Back out in the pasture, I wiped Willow's sweet face and tried to gently massage her throat and guttural pouch the way Martha had taught me. And in between her struggles to swallow, I hugged her as I always do. But today I had a hard time hiding my sadness... and I turned into her mane and cried. I could feel that she was sad too.

When Martha returned from church, she came straight out to the pasture. It was so cold, and my feet were frozen by then. But we stood and talked for a long while. I told her that I had broken down with Tammy and that I was feeling so discouraged... and that I had cried. And I told her of what I was fearing. "Remember when I told you that horses think in pictures?" she asked.  Of course I did, and I admitted that I really didn't understand what that meant.  So she gave me an example.  She told about one of the horses at her farm... a lovely mare that was quiet and easy to ride.  Her owner, though, was very fearful and always anticipating something would spook her horse.  She was always on high alert when she rode... she would anticipate and imagine her horse to spook, and her horse would spook!  When others rode her, she never spooked.  But because this horse could feel what her rider was feeling and "see" what her rider was envisioning, she too rode on high alert and she spooked.

And it finally clicked for me...  I have to find a way not to imagine a sad fate for Willow.  I have to not let these fears creep into my mind... and especially not when I'm with her.  And moreover, I have to start imagining Willow healthy and healed... beautiful and whole.  So I did.  I closed my eyes and I imagined her grazing in a field of yellow flowers in the spring.... playing in the pasture and trotting gracefully with her head up high, like the queen she is.  And I imagined her eating and swallowing easily and effortlessly.   And I imagined riding her... I imagined that I was smiling and crying at the same time for our victory... because I know I will. Now, I know I will.

11 comments:

  1. Shana, Even tho I've ridden for 46 yrs., after a badly broken pelvis from a bad fall, I started having some "fear energy" when I rode. It was beneath the surface, but it was there. A wonderful, intuitive horse trainer was giving me a lesson on my heart horse Chappie one day, and stopped and just looked at us. I said "give it to me straight", knowing she was trying to decide if she should say something. She said that Chappie has a caregiver personality in that he tries to shoulder the emotions and worries of the horses and people around him and that so far he was handling my fear, but that he couldn't do it forever without its taking a toll on him. Well, that just brought me to tears to think my sweet boy was "suffering in silence" because of my fear. So I did a couple of things. Physically, I was careful to keep my body relaxed, keeping my legs and hands even softer than before, and that helped. Then I met a woman who was trying out a practice called tapping. She showed me how to set an intention, make the statement of intention, and do light tapping on a series of accupressure points. It sounds silly, but after I went thru the pattern of tapping, I took Chappie out for a ride and it was amazing. It was like I became aware of my own skills as a rider again, like the fear had been covering that, and was now lifted. Chappie did one of his spooks, but I just rode thru it and felt fine. He started to relax more too, and we've been able to bond even more. I don't know for sure, but that tapping might be able to help you with your feelings of sadness and worry, which I understand very well, having experienced many family and animal medical situations. Let me know if you're interested. Love to you both, Laura

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  2. In the silence between your words, the quiet pause between the words you write, that I feel something special unfolding. Something beautiful ... and I feel privileged to be witnessing this miracle.

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  3. First of all, Shana, this photo is stunningly awesome!!!

    It's important that you remember what higher beings animals are, and that they get their info from vibrations. If you're vibrating fear, even with a smile on your face, Willow will know. Maybe a minute or two alone in meditation before you go out to see her would help, just to get yourself vibrating health, love and happiness before you get to her, not to mention opening up to being receptive to whatever she has to tell you that day. And never forget how strong you, AND Willow, are!!!

    LOVE

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  4. It really makes a big difference, and the more you center yourself and do the visualizations.. the easier it will be. I believe it will help, and i will hold that image of you happily riding a healthy Willow too! :) xo

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  5. Give her all of your positive energy...let it virtually seep from your soul into hers...I know you can do this! Praying for you :) and Sweet Willow....

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  6. Oh my Lord Shana, its true! My husband reminds me of this...thank God for him during our many health issues with our household of pets!! I just want to blabber and cry right now. I always say my Golden Retriever taught me my favorite life lesson while she was going through cancer. She changed me. God bless you girls, I really do say a prayer for you both. This is so emotional hang in there girl, you got this!!!!!

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  7. This is such an important lesson... not just for horse lovers and riders and companions, but in general.

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  8. This is such an important lesson... not just for horse lovers and riders and companions, but in general.

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  9. Just found your lovely blog. One thing I have learned: horses can't cry, even if they would like to. If you are willing to do it for them, they are grateful for it. So don't hold back your tears in her presence if you feel like crying. Let it be cleansing for the both of you.

    I am so glad Willow found you as a loving person to call her own, and one can see her love and relief and returning curiosity in the video.♥

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  10. Just found your lovely blog. One thing I have learned: horses can't cry, even if they would like to. If you are willing to do it for them, they are grateful for it. So don't hold back your tears in her presence if you feel like crying. Let it be cleansing for the both of you.

    I am so glad Willow found you as a loving person to call her own, and one can see her love and relief and returning curiosity in the video.♥

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