March 10, 2013

Willow Update

I have received countless emails and messages from people who were concerned over my lack of updates in the last two days.  I reminded myself that while I am not writing about this journey for others, Willow has captured the hearts of people all over the world.... people that have prayed for her... for me.  People that have offered me support, guidance, advice, and love... people that have lifted my spirits and deepened my faith in humanity.  We've received gifts in the mail from people we've never met... gourmet pears & apples for Willow, a special charm for her halter...  and emails from people who have been inspired to rescue a horse or donate to horse rescue organizations. So, this isn't just about my feelings anymore.  This is about Willow's life.  And it's too important not to share...   

The past 36 hours have been terrifying....

This journey with Willow has always had it's ups and downs, but nothing like the rollercoaster ride we've experienced since she broker her leg.  I can't seem to stop the tears, so I'm just going to write without editing... I just need to write what I"m feeling.

It still shocks me so much that this has happened.  I bought a horse who had been neglected and abandonded and rescued from a terrible place.  She still needed to gain 350 pounds... she had choking issues, ulcers, and was then diagnosed with active EPM.  She is a picky eater, so trying to get her to eat while treating the ulcers and trying to prevent her choking was especially challenging.  She was choking nearly every day at one point... struggling so hard to swallow... but after two months at Martha's farm, it was time for Willow to come home.  She was eating hay, grass, and nearly 8 scoops of special, organic grain and she was finally gaining weight.  Once here, she stopped choking and gained even more weight.  Martha, Michael, Leah, Dr. Kimmons... all of us were overjoyed and amazed at how well she was doing.  I remember specifically one day, as we watched her in the pasture, discussing how she almost looked like a normal, healthy horse..... almost.   And then, the unthinkable happened.   But after coming this far with her, and after falling so deeply in love with her, there was NO way I was going to let a broken leg take her from me.  And I could see in her eyes that she had the will and the strength to survive.  Even on the trailer, shaking in pain, she held her head up high.... her eyes round and bright.  Her surgery at Rood & Riddle was a success, and eight days later Michael drove up to Kentucky to pick her up just to find that she was choking when he arrived.  They had her sedated and scoped but were unable to find anything treatable.  So they kept her overnight, and Michael stayed in a hotel.  The next morning,  Willow came home to what we expected to be an uneventful 8 weeks of recovery and rest in her stall....  We found out that Willow wasn't finishing her food at Rood & Riddle- that and the fact that she choked led us to believe that the EPM was causing her trouble again (since they took her off those meds as to not interfere with others).   She was on Bute for pain, ulcer medication (because Bute irritates ulcers), and then after a few days went back on the EPM medicine.  When she arrived home, we noticed that she wasn't eating much and that shifted her front feet back and forth a lot... and that just got worse and worse.  Dr. Kimmons took x-rays of her feet, her pulse, etc. was normal, so he didn't think it was Laminitis.  Perhaps the ulcers were causing her so much pain that she didn't want to eat either. She has been under our care, as well as Martha's and that of Dr. Kimmons who has been consulting with Dr. Ruggles of Rood & Riddle daily.  We just needed her to eat... so we switched her from Bute to a less irritating pain medication.. but after a couple days, her left front foot got warmer than the others, and she still wasn't eating much. She became increasingly unstable in her back end and struggled to walk.  Martha treated her with Myofascial therapy, Dr. Kimmons is here all the time too, and we even built her an outside stall so she could connect with the earth, feel the sun, and graze on the grass.  Still, she got worse. We've been flooding her with probiotics as well, but since she's barely eating grain, she hasn't been ingesting the special oils, vitamin E, or other supplements that she needs.  She seemed to be drinking less water, so we worried about dehydration on top of everything else.  Saturday morning, our team had a meeting here. Dr. Kimmons, Martha, etc.  We decided to put her back on Bute (because of the warm foot and the fact that she didn't eat even off Bute).  And we added another ulcer medication.  We wrote out a new schedule and assigned responsibilities... and everyone felt so good about our plan. I asked Dr. Kimmons point blank if he had seen horses worse off than Willow survive, and he said that he had... and that we weren't at a critical point yet. Martha felt especially happy about our new plan, and we even found a nurse to come check on Willow and administer IV meds each night (Martha would still do it in the mornings).  Yesterday went reasonably well, and we were feeling more hopeful.  But as the day went on, Willow got more an more wobbly... she really could barely walk.   And last night, when we went to check her at 9pm, we found her laying down to close to her back stall door... her neck was up against the wall, and she looked incredibly uncomfortable. Did she lay down in the wrong place?  Oh my gosh, did she fall???   It was obvious that she was cast in her stall and couldn't get up.  Michael wanted me to help him push her up...  I decided that we needed to open that back door so she would have more room to get up.  We tried to straighten out her feet and then we pushed and although she nearly fell on me at one point, we got her up.  She wasn't right... she was all tucked under in the back end... she was wobbly...  shaking.   I was so worried it would happen again.   We checked on her every couple of hours... and by 4am she was still shaky and hadn't eaten a bite.   Michael and I couldn't sleep...  just wondering what this was all about... why is she getting worse?  Why is she not eating??  But in the morning, Michael found her sleeping in her stall, and her bowl was empty!!  Maybe the new ulcer meds were working?  Did we just turn a corner?  When I got out there with her morning carrots (the only thing she usually seems excited about eating), she was ravenous.  But something was wrong.  Her leg (the one she had broken) was twitching... swollen and warm.  When Martha arrived at 8am, she could also see that something had gone terribly wrong.   We got her to walk, and we noticed that Willow could not longer bear weight on that front right leg.  Her gums were lighter, and we worried that she was on her way to dehydration.  Martha told me that it was time to get her into Dr. Kiimmon's clinic.  She needs fluids and x-rays of her leg.   And then who knows what she will need next...

So I cried as I watched Willow leave in the trailer once more.   And now, things are critical.

She will come back, right?  God, please let her come back.  It just can't end this way...  Spring is almost here.  The rich grass will start sprouting soon, and Willow can gain all her weight and strength back.  She can be whole again... and she can hold her head up high and walk in the sunshine once more.  She is my Black Beauty... please let this end like Black Beauty... please bring her back to me so she can live the rest of her life in happiness...  She has been through so much.  Too much.

Willow, please make it back to me...

59 comments:

  1. Tears rolling down my cheeks as I say prayers for Willow.

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  2. I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's heartbreaking to see our beloved animal companions ill and hurting.

    As for the rude comments, the anonymity of the internet seems to make people armchair judges. It's disgusting. Don't pay heed to them. They don't have a good life of their own so they have to take it out on others and try to make them miserable. Don't let them succeed. Ignore them and live your life to the fullest.

    My thoughts are with Willow and your family through this difficult time.

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  3. You are doing everything you can possibly do and more. Know it's out of your hands and she will come home!

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  4. Shana, my heart and prayers go out to you and Willow!

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  5. No matter what you write about some people will always be hateful and bitter. This isn't about them though. Don't read their nasty comments and certainly don't let them have any value to you or your precious Willow. Keep your child up and let the positive thoughts, prayers, and comments of soo many people who care lift you up. Take care of you and your Willow.

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  6. Shuanna Ewing3/10/13, 8:58 AM

    I'm so sorry to hear this terrible news. I'm continuing to pray for Willow and you. I know the pain you are going thru. Her story is amazing and I hope to continue to hear about her amazing recovery. Ignore the rude comments, they don't understand what love is. You will do anything to help your animal, they are family. I was crying the whole time reading this.

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  7. I'm so sorry Shana, what a wonderful person you are and I bet Willow will make it back to you!!!

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  8. Oh Shana, none of this is your fault!!! I'm embarrassed for whoever said that to you!!!! Ugh, it makes me so mad that you have to deal with mean spirited people on top of your situation with Willow.

    Thanks for updating us! I hope she is ok. I'm an RN, but not at all familiar with veterinary medicine. In people, the warmth can signal infection, but on the other hand it can be totally normal. Sometimes, the 3-5th day after orthopedic surgery is when the swelling, warmth, and pain peaks. Maybe this is normal and will pass very soon. I sure hope so. I've been thinking about you!

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  9. Im so sorry.......im praying for her. Please keep us posted.

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  10. Erin from Ohio3/10/13, 9:02 AM

    I am so sad for all of you. Prayers to you and Willow. You have done more for this horse than most would/could do in a similar situation, and everything you have done has been out of love and devotion. I agree, it just can't end this way. She (and all of you!) deserves to be home and healthy and enjoying her life.

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  11. Margie Livelli3/10/13, 9:02 AM

    People do not have the right to judge. The have not walked in yours and Willows footsteps. Willow is like your child and you alone know, along with the others there with you constantly, what is going on and what is best, but most of all, what is in willow's eyes. you will know if there is no more that Willow can give. Right now she wants to come home to you. She has not given up her fight and neither have you and the family. I wish my son Tim and I were close, as we would help you with her and just be with you. So many people love her. So many people are concerned for her. We are all praying and she is getting the best help possible. Don't despair. Pray and ask the Lord for peace and undersanding. Ask Him for healing love for Willow and calmness for you. God bless you, the family and willow. Please conitnue to keep us posted. We are all in this together (sort of) though not physically, but definitely mentally. {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and love. Margie Livelli

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  12. I am in tears as I am reading this, I am praying for Willow and for you!!

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  13. Saying prayers for you and please keep in mind that social media can sometimes bring out the ugly in people. They're keyboard commandos -- they know better than you (they think) and because they're behind the security of their keyboards, feel free to say nasty, ugly things that they wouldn't even consider saying in person. Don't let these idiots get to you. Please don't quit posting because of them.

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    1. agreed.... don't worry, kharma will take care of them.

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  14. Saying prayers for you and please keep in mind that social media can sometimes bring out the ugly in people. They're keyboard commandos -- they know better than you (they think) and because they're behind the security of their keyboards, feel free to say nasty, ugly things that they wouldn't even consider saying in person. Don't let these idiots get to you. Please don't quit posting because of them.

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  15. I am so touched by this beautiful story. I pray that Willow will recover and that God will watch over this beautiful horse and your beautiful family.

    I was saddened to hear that people so easily stand in judgement and can be so cruel, especially to someone like you whose heart is pure and full of love for this beautiful horse. Thank you for being strong and continuing on with your story. It is a beautiful story and I pray that you will get your Black Beauty ending.

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  16. Know in your heart she feels your love.

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  17. Shana, you and your loving team are doing all you can to help Willow back to a healthy life. I believe in the power of prayer and feel that soon Willow will once again be walking proud in your pasture. So many people are pulling for Willow and you. Thanks for the update. I think of her everyday.

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  18. When you open yourself up to the good, unfortunately you also open up to the bad. Sorry someone posted something negative, and thank you for continuing to blog despite the hurtful comment. Those of us following Willow's story appreciate it, we feel that we are along for this ride right along with you.

    Hopefully this will pass, and take comfort that you are doing absolutely everything you can for her and she is getting the best care humanly possible. Hang in there and know that many many prayers and well wishes are being said for Willow and her family. She certainly has a lot of folks on her side! I am so sorry to hear of this setback, it's like one step forward two steps back and I can't imagine how frustrating it is for you.

    Please update when you can, we are all thinking of you.

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  19. I am so sorry to hear this! I hope and pray she will be back with you soon! Lately, I cannot believe how cruel people can be! Ignore them and know that there are lots of people in your corner!

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  20. I admire your love for Willow and I am sure she feels it to have come as far as she has. I hope she comes back to you and blossoms with spring to good health.

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  21. Nicola from the UK3/10/13, 9:17 AM

    Do you know that the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is log onto the internet and check your blog for news about willow... and when there is no news, I keep checking throughout the day just in case you have written something. Although I have never met you or willow, I really care about you both. I just want everything to be okay and happy for you and willow once more. I really pray that Willow comes through all of this, its amazing what can be done these days. Keep strong and never loose hope. Thank you for continuing to share Willows journey with me, please keep posting.... hugs xx

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  22. Sending positive thoughts from Canada.

    Rae

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  23. i'm so so sorry to read of willow's additional complications and pray that she is doing better. the two of you are blessed to have found one another and all of your motives and actions come from a place of belief, concern and love. shame on those who suggest otherwise and lack the ability to emphatize. i'm glad you perservered and are continuing to share your and willow's journey with us.

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  24. Shana...it makes me sick to think someone would send you a message like that. My goodness just from knowing you through your blogs, facebook and the odd personal conversation one can see how much you love your pets. Please don't let these comments affect you. We are praying for sweet Willow as well as your family from here in snowy Canada...much love xoxo

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  25. Love to you and Willow Shana. She has been placed in your care by God alone. He will decide what is right and wrong. You should just do what your heart leads you to do and disregard all else. This is between you and God, my friend <3

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  26. Dear Shana,
    You really jumped off the deep end into the life of horse love with Willow, bless you. Most people don't deal with things like this for years in their life with horses and some never do. And here you are right off the bat handling some of the toughest things that can possibly happen when we love these animals.
    You have learned so much in such a short time, in such difficult circumstances, and bravely shared with the world. To hell with anyone who would judge you. You have done everything and much, much more than most people would have done for any horse.
    I don't like "sayings" much, but one of my favorites is from Gretchen Jackson (owner of Barbaro), "Grief is the price we pay for love." Such true and difficult words.
    Horses just do not look fragile, until you know. Sometimes I believe it is just a miracle they survive at all. Thank you for taking Willow in, for immersing yourself into the world of horses and all of the beautiful good and tragic heartbreak they can be. Willow is a fortunate, fortunate girl, no matter the outcome of this.

    I'm so sorry for all of you, I know how stressful and consuming this is. Just know you are not alone in your love and heartbreak. If there is anything I can do (hear in Lexington), just say the word. Rood and Riddle are my vets, I am more than willing to do anything. Thinking the best thoughts for Willow and hoping you can find comfort in knowing you have left no stone unturned.

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  27. Shana, there will always been nasty haters out there.. Willow has known such love and care because of you and your family. Ignore the haters. My sister and I are hoping for the best for your Willow and are very sorry to hear of this latest set-back. Sending good thoughts to Willow from Toronto, Canada.

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  28. I am crying for you. I cannot believe people would question your love for this horse. Do they realize how many people would jot have taken her to R&R? How many people would have ended it right there and not spent any more money now this journey? Those people are plain ignorant. Any person with sense can see your love for Willow. And hers for you. I'm crying for willow but also for YOU. This is an emotional roller coaster. Ignore the hate. Willow has had so much love and support from you and your husband. She is very very lucky. I'm praying she rebounds in the clinic and I'm praying for your strength should you have to make a difficult decision. Be strong.

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  29. Hearing this makes me sick. I have been so very worried about you and Willow and checking for updates all weekend! I can't believe the selfish, hateful comments you received. I've always found that when I am down and truly in need, God provides and restores my faith by showing me how gracious and good people can be. Hopefully you are feeling that right now as thousands of people, most of whom do not know you personally, are thinking of you and praying for you, your family, veterinary team, and Willow. We pray for all of you to have strength, comfort, and continued faith. Stay strong, Shana! We may be miles away or around the world, but we are in your corner and will do our best to lift you up! XOXO

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  30. Dear Sweet Shana, Your love for Willow is very true and deep. That is evident to anyone who has truly loved an animal. You see, and you love, her very soul. As to any comments blaming you for her broken leg, anyone who has had a horse, knows they can hurt themselves in the blink of an eye. Anyone who has had more than one horse, knows they can hurt each other in the blink of an eye. They are thinking, feeling beings, and also instinctual beings. Their way of thinking and behaving is different from ours and no matter what we do, they are going to be horses and even if we put them in a padded stall, they can still get hurt. Try to say to yourself, "I know my heart, and the people who matter to me, know my heart and I don't give a ***** what the idiots say". My heart is breaking for you and Willow. I hope that she will come home feeling better and ready again to fight thru this. Thank you so much for caring for her and keeping us updated. Love, prayers and blessings.

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  31. We cannot foretell how this touching, inspiring story will end, but please know that the strength, fight and love you have for Willow is deeply imbedded in her soul. She is fighting this fight with you. She has a triumphant spirit amidst heartbreak and that is the plane on which your kindered souls first met. Willow & you were placed in each other's lives for healing & restoration. Although the manifestation of these may or may not be intended in the physical sense, the journey remains the same. Her love for you runs so deep that she is valiently refusing to shut the light out, no matter the fight. SHE has not given up on herself as YOU have not given up on yourself or your convictions. The journey is LOVE. She is on that journey with you and, no matter when that journey ends here on this Earth, that is the lesson. That is what you both are fighting for. That is the beauty of life that you are teaching us.

    Continue to keep that beautiful heart open and positive. This world could use more of that. Willow, too, is teaching us that the hope of LOVE is worth fighting for.

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  32. Oh Shana, please try and ignore those nasty words and remember that there are so many people out here rooting for you and for Willow. I am praying that Willow comes home soon and that you are able to find some relief during this incredibly stressful time.

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  33. This story crushes my heart. Shana Look beyond hateful people, they are just cruel and nasty and will say whatever with no concern for anyone. You are above this. You and Michael are true lover and care takers of Willow. Lets all give her to God and Pray that His warm healing light will shine upon this precious gift from God.
    Dear Heavenly, please comfort Shana and Michael as they provide love and care for willow. God I ask that you surround Willow with your love and warm healing light. Give her comfort Lord Heal this horse who is so loved by many. WE ask this in Jesus' name Amen
    Love to you and Michael <3

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  34. Shana...try to ignore those mean spirited individuals who don't even deserve to be part of Willow's story. I know this is just consuming your every thought and existence. She is in the best care possible and we will all continue to pray with you. This beauty is as well as she is because she feels your incredible love and devotion. Hang in there.

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  35. Thank you for updating - I keep you and Willow in my heart and prayers. Be strong.......
    Hugs from Switzerland.

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  36. Praying for you all and especially Willow. Keep her strength and resilience close to your heart. Please dont stop blogging!

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  37. Like I mentioned to you before, I am not a "horse person", but Willow's story has captured my heart. I keep checking in to see if there are any updates. The love you have for Willow is so obvious, even to me as a reader who has never even met you. As a lover and lucky owner of a dog, I know that the love for an animal is real and deep. Here's to hoping your Willow will be alright and will make it home again soon <3

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  38. Im so sorry ,just know willow could not have chosen a better owner ,you have done all you can
    Prayers to you all

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  39. My heart breaks for you and Willow- you have done so much for her and formed such an amazing bond and love with her! I know what that love feels like, and the pain you are going through watching her suffer and feeling helpless. I will continue to pray for Willow, and you, and all of the wonderful people who are caring for her. May God allow her to return home healthy and happy- you all have touched so many people's lives with your journey of unconditional love. Thank you for sharing your story and Willow with us! <3

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  40. Oh Shana - my heart is breaking for you and Willow. Please don't listen to negative people - you need all the positive you can get now...there will always be those who will want to bring you down (ignore them). I have fallen for your Willow hook, line and sinker, I'm thousands of miles away, but I am willing her with every cell in my body to get well...and soon...know that there are hundreds of people wishing and praying for you and your girl.

    xx

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  41. First, thanks for updating. I can't believe how people can think such things. You are so brave to bear with all this. I have been checking for your updates twice a day, hoping Willow would be doing better. It is so worrying to read about her health now.
    All my best thoughts are with you and Willow.

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  42. My heart aches with you. I have been following your blog but have never commented. My prayer is complete healing for Willow. Thank you for sharing your joy and your sorrow with the world. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. I can't imagine going through it myself yet somehow I feel like I am. Much love to you and to Willow. God I ask for divine wisdom and revelation for all those taking care of Willow. Give them what they need to help her. I know aloe vera is good for ulcers in humans maybe it is for horses too.

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  43. Shana,
    I am so sorry that mean spirited people feel the need to share their evilness with you! I have never met you, but have followed various blogs since you traveled to China for Sophie. We had just submitted our dossier, and were in the waiting period. I remember watching your cooking videos with Sophie, you both had brought me such hope and joy. I wish that there was a way for me to bring that joy to you now.

    Even though we have never met, I have seen your love and could tell that you have a kind loving soul for all things living! Please do not let haters bring you down. Don't give them any power in your life!! Please draw your strength from your loved ones and your team that is helping you through this.

    Me heart goes out to you, and I really hope that things turn around for you!

    Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with us.

    With great admiration, respect and love,
    Janey

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  44. Thanx for the update, even though the news is not good. I, like so many others, have been checking your blog every few hours to check in on Willow and am so sad that she is not doing well. I am an animal lover and have been in love with horses all my life. And, I really, really admire you for rescuing Willow and for the care and love you have shown her. I know what you're going through and the heartache is nearly unbearable! I know you are physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Right now it's very important that you take care of yourself so that you can better take care of Willow when she gets home. Keep the faith sweet girl ... Willow's spirit is strong and so are you. One thing I know for sure, you two are connected for a purpose and God is watching over you both. My prayer is that God will heal Willow and that he will hold you in his arms and comfort you. And ... as far as the hurtful comments ... there will always be people who are critical and judgemental. Those people are usually jealous, bitter, miserable people, so I'm glad you've chosen to ignore them and keep the rest of us updated. Am sending hugs to you!

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  45. Shana your story looks so familiar to me except for the broken leg; just know that what you have done you did it out of love for Willow and despite the pain she knows she is loved; just be sure of that; a horse is a smart animal .... just came back from the barn and while I was cleaning the stables Willow and you haven't gone out of my mind ... don't listen to the negativity; those people stand on the sideline and it is so easy to spread all kind of blabla; you did the right thing to bring her back to the hospital; she can be monitored there and she will get the best treatment she can get; you just need to be confident ... whatever happens you did your utmost. Wished I could give you a hug ... positive vibes from Belgium - Europe xxx

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  46. I am so sorry that amidst all if this you have to deal with judge, hateful people who clearly have nothing better to do. Thinking about you and Willow. Many prayers being sent your way.

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  47. Thank you for updating, Shana. Love, prayer and healing thoughts being sent your way for all. The haters will never leave, or change, so please don't worry about them, just keep your energy and attention where it needs to be. Keep us updated when you can, and as hard as it may be try and get some rest or maybe take a walk with your camera.
    Love & Hugs to all...
    scott

    "There is nothing to writing.
    All you do is sit down
    at a typewriter and bleed."

    Ernest Hemingway

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  48. I am so sorry. Praying for you all

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  49. Shana, my heart breaks for you. While reading your post the tears were falling. I, like so many of your readers have gotten so invested in Willow's story and I prayed for her (and for you) to survive and flourish. From all that you have written, you can know with certainty that you did everything for her - and loved her completely - she knows that.
    My deepest sympathies to you.
    Raquel

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  50. I feel your heartbreak. Praying for the comfort only the Lord can give. Hugs!

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  51. Sweet lady... so so sorry. I am crying for you. And oh there will always be people that want to say hurtful things. Don't let them get you down. It's not fair. But it does make good and bad come and show easy. My sincere heartfelt sympathy ... hugs and prayers and good vibes to you.

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  52. I have to break my letter in to two parts due to html settings here.

    I wouldn't have believed that a story of a horse from another side of the world would touch me so much. I'm in tears. I check back every few hours. The last time it was critical (when she broke her leg) I was up all night long waiting for the update. Really, I'm not the person who lives her life in internet and I don't follow any other blogs or stories. But I have a thing with horses and I have a thing with people who care selflessly about others. It's deeply moving how much you love this horse. I really wish Willow would make it. This is not a Black Beauty tale. This is for real. And beautyful things happen for real too. And these things are beyond imagination. Don't stop hoping. I have lost a lot and got hurt, but protecting yourself doesn't help, I know now. You grow better person when you hope and believe no matter what. If you believe in God then you know there are two forces in the world fighting for the human soul. Satan makes anything to hurt, to discourage you. God makes anything to protect and to save you. Willow is a miracle and miracles only happen when people believe and pray. If lot of people pray then Satan has to back off. Great Contorversy began when Satan accused God of making human a puppet. That's not true as we see. God allows people to do what they want. They have ability to make their own decisions. Some bad, some good with their consequences. By being good to other, making good decisions, choosing right, keeping faith, we prove to Satan that humanity is not lost at all, that we believe in God and we trust Him. At the end of the times all the world sees who is right and who is not and Satan will be defeated. Then everybody trust God and don't question His love towards us. Until people believe Satan this world keeps being messed up and some bad things happen. We do not have to be discouraged. We have to grow in goodness and love and caring and believing. This is the only option, the other is destruction, but this isn't an option. I mean, not only eternal destruction at the end, but destruction of our minds and hearts, if we let evil in. Willow is like an angel who has come to open your heart and to show you how much love you have in your heart to give out and how much faith you have in desperate situations and how much good people there are in the world. No matter what, don't let this be wasted. If Willow leaves (which I believe is not the case) then, please, keep all the good you got from this experience, don't let it go. I have seen people to destroy their minds after losing loved ones, but what would those loved ones think about this if they knew? God doesn't want this to us. Satan wants. Gad can bring us trough everything in His hands if we let Him to. Satan hurts us to get us further from God, but it's our choice what to do. Accusing God doesn't help us. Handing ourselves and our worries to God helps us. We need to live on after each lost battle and after each battle we have won. It's our decision with whom do we want to live hand in hand. I really believe that praying helps. I have seen people getting well, I have seen my pets getting well. I have lost a lot, but I have kept my faith and at the end of the day I have won and seen beautiful answers to my prayers, impossible things happen. Satan wants to defeat us, so we could be discouraged and not to pray and see any more those things. But I want to see. I want and need protection. I keep praying and I keep my faith, no matter what. If I hadn't my faith anymore then I hadn't any hope for the future too. But I prefer to have hope, it's always a better choice.

    (MV)

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  53. Secont part:

    I'm sending Willow's case to our church prayer e-mail prayer list. A woman who had breast cancer (x-rays etc done) recovered in a weekend after we prayed. Doctors were amazed. They said that such things happen sometimes. Things that sience cannot explain yet. Sometimes miracles are more earthly. Like right answer from a doctor. God can suplly your vets with knowledge, Willow with power, you with faith, your family with support and anything is possible. You are already a very lucky person. You have a home from a fairy tale, you have children and husband, you have a dream job, you have resources to cure Willow. You are really blessed. Willow is a mark of everything what's important - love and caring of living souls.

    This is a letter from one of the most secular countries in the world. We have a Guinness record about it. : ) But those who believe, they really believe. And sorry for my bad English. Don't stop hoping and believing! You will make it.

    MV

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  54. The love that you gave her was more than she ever experienced. Love, gentleness, kindness, patience, understanding, and the bond you were building, showed her that someone in this world truly cared and loved her. Love can never go wrong, only life can. I truly understand your panic, confusion, and sorrow. But above all this, above everything she ever experienced, you gave her your entire love and devotion. There is a Heaven, and she will be there waiting for you in her full glory. Don't stop loving, don't close your heart. For somewhere out there, her spirit soars along with yours forever entwined. Thank you for sharing your story. You and your family are amazing and truly blessed! Thank you for loving, thank you for the story of love. For hope...and always for love.

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  55. The most beautiful part of Willow's story is that even though it is bittersweet and sad, she did have a happy ending. She left this world surrounded by hope filled people who gave her a fighting chance instead of lonely and in despair. You also experienced the profound love of a companion animal and the amazing love of a community of people world wide who are sharing in your experience. I've prayed for you and Willow from the first day I found your blog and will continue praying for you that your beautiful heart will remain open and inspired to continue loving and rescuing. You have an incredible gift of giving!

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  56. I have to commend you. After working in a veterinary setting for many years, ending animal's suffering was part of the experience. It was never an easy thing to do. What made it most heartbraking is when the owners would ask that we keep the animals alive even though they (their pets) were suffering just so that some family member who was out of town would make it on time to say goodbye. They only cared about their grieving and the animal's suffering took the backseat. We saw how these creatures suffered and it was sad. In reading your blog, you chose to put your horses suffering to an end even if that meant you couldn't be there to say goodbye. Willow will forever be greatful and hang on to the notion that all of God's creatures go to heaven, even the two legged ones.

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  57. I have to commend you. After working in a veterinary setting for many years, ending animal's suffering was part of the experience. It was never an easy thing to do. What made it most heartbraking is when the owners would ask that we keep the animals alive even though they (their pets) were suffering just so that some family member who was out of town would make it on time to say goodbye. They only cared about their grieving and the animal's suffering took the backseat. We saw how these creatures suffered and it was sad. In reading your blog, you chose to put your horses suffering to an end even if that meant you couldn't be there to say goodbye. Willow will forever be greatful and hang on to the notion that all of God's creatures go to heaven, even the two legged ones.

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